My Dear April,
First I want to thank you for entrusting me with your blog, and for allowing me to do a post...
I don't think you realize how special you are. You have one of the purest hearts I have ever known. Your sweetness is precious. You are a reflection of Christ Jesus' love. You are a jewel in His crown... I am honored and blessed to have become your friend. You always lift me up and make me feel like a better person. I hope that one day, through the grace of Jesus I will become the woman you believe me to be.
I do understand the journey you are on... my heart breaks for you as I know that your arms ache to hold your child in them. But, I also know that God is faithful... His timing is perfect and that He has always known who your daughter is... When you were a little girl and dreamed of holding your child in your arms... He knew who she was. When you dreamed of going on a mission to the far away land of China... He knew you would. His ways are not our ways... they are so far above and beyond what we could ever imagine, or hope for. Sometimes He does not give us the desires of our hearts because He has something so much better in store for us in His perfect will for our lives. Sometimes He allows us to come to a place of brokenness so that we will turn to Him, our Father, and surrender... to draw closer to Him... to step down and allow Him to sit upon the throne of our hearts.
Please know as you travel this journey to find your child that you are not alone... If you need a shoulder to cry on... I am here. If you need someone to scream out your frustrations at... I am here. If you need someone to pray with... I am here. If you just need someone to listen and understand... I am here. As difficult, and overwhelming at times that this journey can be... As heartbreaking and seemingly impossible it may seem.... I promise you that one day.... You will hold your SiJi in your arms and you will thank God for each tear that has fallen, for each day that you could not take another step on your own, for each time your heart broke a little more even though you thought it was impossible that it could hurt any deeper, for each moment, day, week and year that you had to wait.... because it led you to her.... YOUR child. You will thank the Lord that the CCAA did not give you your referral one day or even one year sooner because that would mean that you would have someone else's child and you wouldn't have your SiJi's . Although you will be overjoyed that the wait is over, in your heart you will know that you would do it all again if it meant holding YOUR daughter in your arms.
Weeping endures for a night.... but JOY cometh in the morning.... Hold fast dear friend, stay the coarse...... One day the morning will come and your heart will flood with a joy beyond what you could ever imagine and your precious little one will be safely in her Mama's loving arms.
He hears your cries... He is with you each step you make.... He is on the throne and He is oh, so faithful.... Run into the loving arms of your Father, He is your strength, your refuge, your hope and your peace... You are a Mom.... and one day your baby will be home.
God's peace my friend, and God's speed
Love,
Daleea
Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
And whose hope is the LORD.
For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear when heat comes:
But it's leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of the drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit.
Jeremiah 17:9-10
"Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know."
Jeremiah 33:3
Be still, and know that I am God;
Psalm 46:10